gall and gumption

Monday, July 28, 2008

Moving Day

This is the note I wrote my mother about the move, by the way:

Well, that was yesterday. I only exaggerate slightly when I say it was a Biblical epic.
>
9 a.m. or so: Turkey vultures (Johncrows) circling the yard, which offends the dogs. No quarrel with vultures in the meadow or over the woods but they are not to fly over or perch in the Tree or on The Roof of the House. Two violations were noted, so there was much barking and dashing about in circles while looking aloft.
>
10:30 or so: I wander over to the shed to take one last look at various clutter Daddy left there and right in the doorway of the shed is an extremely lifelike recently shed snakeskin that made me nearly jump right out of my skin.
>
11:30 Movers arrive with big truck, packing proceeds with admirable briskness and they slam the truck door shut just as it is about to start raining. I am running to my car in the rain when I spot a big brown hump of something in the yard. I run to take a look and it's a big and unidentifiable dead thing, dead quite some time and apparently dropped in transit by some really really big bird. This might explain the vultures.
>
1:00 The monsoon arrives. Drive to storage unit through sheets of rain, great streaks of lightning everywhere and ripping peals of thunder. Nothing to do but sit in the car and moving truck at the storage unit and wait the half hour. Luckily this half hour was not on the clock.
>
3-ish: I am following the moving truck along the Beltway, Misha is panting with excitement and I have just turned onto Highway 395 into Washington when I realize it's not excitement; she takes a gigantic dump on the back seat, and it's not one of those firm ones that just sort of rolls away. I can't clean it up while I'm driving and I can't stop because I have to follow the movers. It would cost me about $50 to stop and clean up that poop.
>
3:30-ish, we drive through downtown DC with the two dogs huddled in one corner as far away from the poop as possible and the windows open and Misha barking like mad at the pedestrians and me shouting ("SHUT UP!" "STAY OUT OF THE POOP YOU IDIOT!!!) at her and squirting at her with water from a spray bottle I have specifically carried for that purpose. The spraying has no effect what so ever other than to make her cringe and look pathetically remorseful for two seconds.
>
4:00 Arrived at the underground cave, I throw away the waterproof car seat cover, with thanks and blessings to its creator.
>
4-ish: The movers bring lots of things into the house that I thought
belonged in the storage unit.
>
4-30-ish: "Don't worry about the bed. If you can assemble the frame then I can tip it up on its side and put the rug down, and then I can
put the slats and the mattress on by myself."
>
9:45 p.m. **Well, fine, I'll forget about the rug then and just put the bed together. In fact I'm happy to throw away the wretched rug...**
>
9:50 p.m. The bed frame explodes.
>
11 p.m. Having put the mattress on the floor next to the now unusable bed frame, I decide to take a shower.
>
11:20 p.m. I discover that the bottle of Listerine that I had tossed among the clean underwear had been leaking the whole day.
>
6:30 a.m. Monday: Found a T-shirt and a pair of knickers that don't smell like Listerine. Thank you Jesus.

6 Comments:

At 12:03 AM, Blogger Tom Matrullo said...

If the bedframe didn't explode, the paraphenalia associated with Elizabethan representations of bedlamic chaos would be incomplete.

It is a strange sensation to wince and laugh out loud at the same time.
Sort of WINCELOLling, or something.

 
At 12:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

not a comment on moving day, but a decades-old thought on deconstruction, which I can now put into one sentence: "If you misunderstood me, it isn't necessarily true that you knew what I meant."

 
At 12:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I clicked name, not anonymous, but it made me anonymous anyway.
Lisa Davidson!

 
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