gall and gumption

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Was I Wrong to Say That?

So a couple days ago I was walking the dogs along the busy street two blocks over from mine. I was also talking on the phone. There is only sidewalk on this side of the street, which is narrow and very busy, and at that time of day has cars parked along it which makes it, of course, even narrower. The dogs stopped to sniff at some low bushes, and I stopped and let them. Suddenly this older woman stepped out from behind a hedge, where, as events suggest, she had apparently been lurking in wait, carrying a pink jacket, and started swinging the jacket furiously at their heads. I snatched the dogs out of reach. Here, edited for repetition, is the dialogue that ensued.

K: What the hell are you doing?

W: They were sniffing!

K: Yes, they were just sniffing!

W: I know what happens next! First they sniff and then they pee!

K: Well, you don't know that! What the--

W: Another dog just came by and did it!

K: And what does that have to do with me? Because of some other dog you're going to just step out and take a swing at my dogs? Who does that?

W: I wasn't going to actually hit them.

K: That is beside the point. You were rude. You saw me here, you could have said something, who the hell just comes out swinging...

W: I'm sick of dogs on my plants.

K: They're not on your plants, they're on the sidewalk!

W: You should walk them further away from my yard, then. I'm sick of dogs peeing on my plants.

K: (glancing around to see where on this street she was supposed to walk the dogs other than on the sidewalk and finding nowhere, has one of those flashes of all-consuming irritability like that one comic book character who was all just made of flames) There's nowhere else to walk, you fucking nutcase!


And then I went on my way, muttering similar strongly-flavored imprecations.


At 10:27 PM, Anonymous Hannah said...

I thought you were quite restrained, actually.

At 3:46 AM, Anonymous Marc said...

We must not share the same genes. I'm pretty sure that my version of this story ends with me emptying sacks of poo into her bushes every day on the way back home.

At 10:54 AM, Blogger Leslie said...

That's what happens. You leave your house and bump into Someone Else's Crazy.

At 8:50 PM, Blogger Tom Matrullo said...

For more crazies, come to our dog park. One guy today called the cops on another, much larger guy, who got on his case because his mangy-seeming smaller dog was sniffing the much larger guy's much larger dog. Big Guy started swearing and yelling because the fellow didn't reverently agree that it was unbecoming of a dog to sniff a dog in, of all places, a dog park.

At 10:10 PM, Blogger Kia said...

Why do I feel like I know those geezers?

At 9:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why does "a fucking nutcase" sound like the name of a new candybar? Dickens would have called her "Miss Peesniff."

At 12:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course, she may have simply been protective of the bush that she pees on. But I'm still not calling the foul. You did fine.

At 8:37 PM, Anonymous anne k said...

This isn't supposed to be funny but made me smile, almost crack up. Thanks. It had been a rather bleak afternoon until this.

how do i sign off of this thing?

At 9:53 PM, Blogger Kia said...


You don't have to sign out. It's all connected via Google and Facebook somehow. I'm glad you found your way here; I'm sure it will help motivate me to know you're dropping by.

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